Me he cansado.

Quizás es eso. Quizás es que me he cansado de todo. De la vida, de la gente, de buscar siempre un 'algo' que no existe. He perdido las ganas de... Luchar, de luchar por mis pensamientos, de defender quién soy. "Soy asi", era mi mejor excusa. Y ahora... ¿Quien soy ahora?

He pasado años defendiendo que..ser como era, era lo 'correcto', que estaba bien. Que debía "ser yo misma". Y, sobre todo, he pasado años con un único propósito: mejorar como persona.

Es un propósito que me marqué después... De años de máxima soledad, apartando a gente a la que de verdad le importaba, alejandola, enfadandome con ella por cualquier motivo (como hago siempre)... Y que ha seguido ahi, aguantandome, año tras año, dia a dia, cada hora. No quería que volviera a ocurrir. Queria arreglar cada error cometido con esa persona, cada gilipollez dicha, cada estupidez... Queria... Mejorar como persona, ser "buena", como ella había sido conmigo, siempre.

Pero cada dia, cada semana, cada mes, y especialmente estos ultimos, todo parece indicarme una cosa: he fallado. He fallado en mi proposito. No he mejorado NADA como persona. Sigo siendo la misma persona horrible, cobarde, que aparta a los que mas le importan y se enfada por tonterías, sin saber valorar lo que de verdad tiene a su lado. Sigo siendo la misma egoísta e inmadura que era hace 3-4-5 años. He fallado.

Y cada palabra, cada persona, me lo recuerda. Constantemente vuelve. "Eres de lo peor", "No quiero que te juntes conmigo", "No quiero que le hagas daño a mis seres queridos", "Desaparece", "Eres una egoista, caprichos", "Nunca piensas en los demás", "Eres mala"... He fallado. He intentado ser "mejor", y solo he conseguido...cansarme. De todo.

¿De verdad es autoinflingido? No es tan fácil cuando has fallado el único proposito por el que luchabas, la unica razón que te movía, que te hacia levantarte cada dia con una buena intención. No es tan fácil cuando has fallado hasta en eso. ¿Como quieres que me sienta ahora? Soy un desastre de persona, y ni siquiera puedo cumplir con lo que quiero...

Perdón.

Save me - Gotye

Save me - Gotye

In the mornings,
I was anxious
Was better just to stay in bed
Didn't wanna fail myself again

Running through all the options
And the endings
Were rolling out in front of me
But I couldn't choose a thread to begin

ooh

And I could not, love
Cos I could not love myself
Never good enough no
That was all I'd tell myself
And I was not well
But I could not help myself
I was giving up on living

aaa-eee-yeah
aaa-eee-oooh

In the morning
You were leaving
Traveling south again
And you said you were not unprepared
And all the dead ends
Disappointments
Fading from your memory
Ready for that lonely life to end

And you gave me love
When I could not love myself
And you made me turn
From the way I saw myself
And your patient love
And you helped me help myself
And you save me (3)

Winter Sleep - Olivia Lufkin

Winter Sleep - Olivia Lufkin

It keeps coming back to me
I remember this pain
It spreads across my eyes
Everything is dull

Everyone's smiling, they're smiling
It pushes me far far away
I can't understand
Everything is blue

Can you hear me out there?

Will you hold me now? Hold me now, My frozen heart
I'm gazing from the distance and
I feel everything pass through me
I can't be alone right now
Will you hold me now Hold me now My frozen heart
I'm lost in a deep winter sleep
I can't seem to find my way out alone
Can you wake me

I know when I let it in
It hides love from this moment
So I guard it close
I watch the moves it makes

But it gets me, but it gets me
I wish I could understand how I
Could make it disappear, make it disappear

Anyone out there hear me now?

Will you hold me now Hold me now My frozen heart
Kiss my lips and maybe you can take me to your world for now
I can't be alone right now
Will you hold me now Hold me now My frozen heart
Please make it all go away
Am I ever gonna feel myself again?
I hope I will

The Approaching Curve - Rise Against

Estilo diferente, música diferente... mañanas / tardes diferentes.

The Approaching curve - Rise Against

[Spoken:]
The music played with a calming frequency.
The speakers gently seeped the sound of ambient keyboards and light percussion,
creating a seductive soundtrack to our midnight drive through curtains of blackness.
The windows were cold to the touch,
reflecting the icy conditions in our immediate extremity.
Salt stains and fingerprints littered the glass,
and streaks of melting snow cascaded down its length.
The music pulsed louder, yet gentle,
like the far away squeal of a pot of boiling water.
The skyline was glowing faintly with vague hints of an impending dawn.
The car raced along a painfully straight stretch of road,
and she hadn't so much as turned the steering wheel two degrees in the last twenty minutes
nor had we spoken.

As we were, so perfect, so happy.
They'll remember, only our smiles 'cause that's all they've seen.
Long since dried, when we are found, are the tears in which we had drowned.
As we were, so perfect, so happy.

[Spoken:]
"Why are you doing this?" she spoke as if not expecting a response.
Her voice penetrated the still air of our speechless drive,
so suddenly that my heart had jumped.
"I'm not doing anything," I said, but I didn't even believe that myself.
"This is what's best, for me, for you, for us," or maybe just for me I thought,
as a tear formed in the pit of her eye.
The music poured through the speakers and we were losing ourselves in the cadence.
She looked down momentarily and closed her eyes for a bit longer than a standard blink.
Then she was crying. Then she was shouting. Then I was shouting,
now pouring confessions, having no answers, or solutions,
we barely even knew the questions.

As we were, so perfect, so happy.
They'll remember, only our smiles 'cause that's all they've seen.
Long since dried, when we are found, are the tears in which we had drowned.
As we were, so perfect, so happy.

Don't put me underground, I was meant for a life somewhere else.
Please, love, give me the wheel, before both of our hearts you
will steal tonight (will steal tonight).

As we were, so perfect, so happy.
Don't remember, only your smiles 'cause that's all they've seen.
Long since dried, when we are found, are the tears in which we had drowned.
As we were, so perfect, so happy.

[Spoken:]
Our cracking voices became part of the music.
The car pressed on faster through the night. As our voices lowered,
The cadence again overtook the air.
Up ahead there was a curve approaching.
She made no indications of slowing.

Fake Tales of San Francisco

Buenos días! Hoy traigo una de las canciones de Arctic Monkeys, del disco "Whatever people say I am, that's what i'm not" (podía tener un título más largo el disco??). Me he levantado con el ritmo, el bajo, en la cabeza. Pan, parapapa pan.

Fake Tales of San Francisco - Arctic Monkeys

Fake Tales of San Francisco

Echo through the room
More point to a wedding disco
Without a bride or groom
There's a super cool band yeah
With their trilbys and their glasses of white wine
And all the weekend rockstars in the toilets
Practicing their lines

I don't want to hear you
(Kick me out, kick me out)
I don't want to hear, you know
(Kick me out, kick me out)
I don't want to hear you
(Kick me out, kick me out)
I don't want to hear you
I don't want to hear your...

Fake Tales of San Francisco
Echo through the air
And there's a few bored faces in the back
All wishing they weren't there

And as the microphone squeaks
A young girl's telephone beeps
Yeah she's dashing for the exit
And she's running to the streets outside
Oh you've saved me, she screams down the line
The band were fucking wank
And I'm not having a nice time

I don't want to hear you
(Kick me out, kick me out)
I don't want to hear, you know
(Kick me out, kick me out)

Yeah but his bird thinks it's amazing, though
So all that's left
Is the proof that love's not only blind but deaf

He talks of San Francisco, he's from Hunter's Bar
I don't quite know the distance
But I'm sure that's far
Yeah I'm sure that's pretty far

And yeah, I'd love to tell you all my problem
You're not from New York City, you're from Rotherham
So get off the bandwagon, and put down the handbook
Yeah, yeah, yeah

Get off the bandwagon and put down the handbook
Get off the bandwagon and put down the handbook
Get off the bandwagon and put down the handbook
Get off the bandwagon and put down the handbook
Yeah